Parent - Job Description

This is hysterical.

If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an

often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills

and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends

and frequent 24 hours shifts on-call.
Some overnight travel required,including trips to primitive camping sites

on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
For the rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,

until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go

from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams

from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,

such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets

and stuck zippers..
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and

coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages

and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,

an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,

plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work

throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,

constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge

can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption

that college will help them become financially independant.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and

wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,

no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless

opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life

if you play your cards right.