Friday, August 15, 2008

Parent - Job Description

This is hysterical.
If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop


Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills
and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hours shifts on-call.
Some overnight travel required,including trips to primitive camping sites
on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.


For the rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated,
at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina
of a pack mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams
from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers..
Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages
and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable
one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product
safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be
prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,
constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.

None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption
that college will help them become financially independant.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and
wish you could only do more.

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,
no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless
opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life
if you play your cards right.

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