Why God Made Moms

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring..
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.


Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.


Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.


What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.


What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.


What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Parenthood

On the riverbank...

In the Arctic ...

In Africa ...

In India ...

In the Ocean...

AND FINALLY...

SOMEWHERE NEAR WAL-MART

Doesn't it bring a tear to your eye and a lump to your throat...??

MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
they don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you mommy.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth
is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mom doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

50 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul .
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows,
and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Parent - Job Description

This is hysterical.

If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an

often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills

and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends

and frequent 24 hours shifts on-call.
Some overnight travel required,including trips to primitive camping sites

on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
For the rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,

until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go

from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams

from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,

such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets

and stuck zippers..
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and

coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages

and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,

an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,

plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work

throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,

constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge

can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption

that college will help them become financially independant.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and

wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,

no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless

opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life

if you play your cards right.