Mark Goes Swimming

Mark liked the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls.

He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice.

"It's those big ol' baggy swimmin' trunks that make you look like an old fool....They' re years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of them Speedos - about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes ya want!"

The following weekend, Mark hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Mark went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Lord-Almighty Mark!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"

How To Say "I Love You" In 25 Languages

English: I Love You

Spanish: Te Amo

French: Je T'aime

German: lch Liebe Dich

Japanese: Ai Shite Imasu

Thai: Phom rak khun

Italian: It amo

Chinese: Wo Ai In

Swedish: Jag Alskar

Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, and parts of Florida: Nice Ass , Get in the truck

Sure Fire Pick-Up Lines

Thank you for purchasing “Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines”brought to you by Bubba & Cooter, straight outta the hils. Enjoy!

1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

Counseling - Southern Style

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing plug and drinking beer.

Suddenly Bubba says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'

Earl spits, then sips his beer and says....
'Better think it over - women like that are hard to find.'

Redneck Christmas Tree

To continue with the Redneck theme, let's visit Christmas at the Redneck household:

Gotta Love Those Rednecks

Redneck Yard Swing






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Redneck Cooler

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How do you know when you're staying in a Redneck motel?
When you call the front desk and say, I gotta leak in my sink, and the
clerk replies, 'Go ahead'.

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Redneck Cellar














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Redneck Garden


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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking
age for Rednecks to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

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Redneck Limo

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Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder:
1) The DNA is all the same
2) There are no dental records

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Redneck Mailbox













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Who invented the toothbrush ?
A Redneck.
(If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been called a teethbrush.)

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A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16 and says to the driver,
'Got any I.D. ?'
and the driver replies 'Bout wut?'

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Redneck Time Out















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Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

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Redneck Weenie Roast














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A new Redneck law was just recently passed.
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

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Redneck Wheelchair

















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Did you hear that the Redneck governor's mansion burned down ?
'Yep. Prit'near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor hadn't even finished coloring one of them.'

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A Redneck Thanksgiving
(if Norman Rockwell were a Redneck)



















That's all folks!

Redneck Smoke Detector